17:38; 08-23-2010

ang tagal na pa ano?

tagal ko nang hindi nag bo-blog. buwan ng wika ngayon, pero hindi ako magpu-purong tagalog, chopsuey ang gagamitin kong lenggwahe.

ang wika ay language ata, kaya gagamit ako ng language sa pagbo-blog (ehem, ewan ko kung joke o nang aasar lang)

seryoso ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakapagblog.

bakit nga pala ako ako nagblog on the first place?

naalala ko, na ito nga pala yung silent/pasigaw kong way of expression. kailangan kong magexpress ngayon dahil ang tagal ko na nga palang nagiging tahimik at ayun maiipon nanaman ang lahat at baka pumutok nanaman ang fuse ko. pakonti konti nanaman na nag bebreak down ako sa mga ginagawa ko.

napaka-salawahan ko kasi magboblog lang ako kung kailan kailangan ko. tsk.

ngayong araw, umuulan ng bad vibes. masagwa ang school hours ko. parang napuno ng pagkayamot, buti na lang kahit isa merong yumakap sa akin. nagpapaalala sa akin na hindi ko kailangang solohin ang lahat. (BTW hindi ko gf to. meron siyang BF AT hindi ako yun).

grabe ang katam, sulit na sulit yung pagsapi sa akin. may mga pending akong plates at wala ako sa mood na gumawa. parang nabanggit nga sa "calvin and hobbes" comics (fact: isa ito sa mga kinagigiliwan kong comics noon, pagbuklat ng dyaryo, diretso sa comics section)

hobbes: do you have an idea for a story yet?

calvin: no, i'm waiting for an inspiration. you can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. you have to be in the mood.

hobbes; what mood is that?

calvin: last minute panic.

hindi ko alam kung sinusunod ko yung payo ni calvin o talagang naghahanap lang ako ng thrill. yung tipong gipit na ako sa oras at saka lang ako gagawa. dun din lumalabas yung mga creative juices sa utak ko. pero gusto ko nang tanggalin yung habit na ganun kasi ang pangit kapag crammer ka eh. hindi efficient. sayang pa din yung oras. ata,

hindi ko na siguro kailangang maging malungkot. think positive thoughts.

and also do positive things.

my love will come in due time. baduy man. ito ako eh. i can't please everyone, i need not to please anyone for everyone has his/her own perspectives in life and casts different judgments

now playing: sweet and low-augustana

do more, speak less.

18:05

pano kung (from :http://tinatamadkami.blogspot.com/)

Pano kaya kung ang ating mga Bayani ay conyo? skwater?tarantado? o kaya Emo?

pano kung nung mamatay na si rizal ang huling sinabi niya ay
"OMG,they're going to make bang bang on me. Scary!."

o kaya

" MaMaTayzZz NaH PhOWz aQohz AjEjEjeJE"



O kaya nung Naglaban si Lapu-lapu at Magellan

Lapu2x: "Im going to poke you with my sword na magi ok?."

Magellan: "ok make it fast ha i don't want to feel aray."


Si Apolinario Mabini at Bonifacio kaya?

Apolinario: "potang ina ng mga toh, kaya ko lumaban gago!"

Bonifacio: "gago ka pala eh. LUMPO ka tanga!.magsulat ka nalang o kung ano maisip mong shit."


nung isang araw naisip ko, pano kung nagtalo si bonifacio at rizal kung bakit si rizal ang national hero.

Bonifacio: lumaban ako sa mga kastila para sa pilipinas.ikaw nagsulat lang, unfair bat ikaw pa ung hero?

Rizal: mas cool daw kasi ung mga sinulat ko kesa sa laban mo.

Bonifacio: tang ina atleast ako matapang

Rizal: tang ina mo rin. atleast di ako bobo.

Bonifacio: foul pare.

Rizal: sorry

Bonifacio: ok lang,bat ba mas pinili mong magsulat kesa lumaban?

Rizal: TINAMAD AKO eh.

Bonifacio: nice.pota ka.



pota kung ganto mga bayani natin mas cool. di gaya nung mga nasa libro nakakatamad basahin.WALANG KWENTANG MGA LIBRO!.walang sense of entertainment.wala man lang murahan.as if naman nagpatayan sila ng walang nagmumura...

sa mga author ng history books..
potang ina niyo nakakatamad mga sinusulat niyo.

so why do you live?

well it is certainly not fully for other people. for some maybe but not for people.

truth. it is something that someone cannot fully grasp. so if someone tells you, "they know the truth", well ask for yourself. there are somethings that you can entertain but doesn't necessarily that you extract and believe in it. some are worth but not all.

it is safe to say that even you.

yes. you.

don't know yourself, fully. even your capabilities. there is no one that can measure and truly hold it. there are large spaces for improvement. there is no such thing as limitations. everything is possible, maybe not now but tomorrow.

don't give a damn for someone that tells you not to do things. no one knows better of yourself than you do. you don't do things for someone, fully; but you do it because you want it for yourself. you asked for it.

don't do things for others, so that you can blame them if it back fires. for if that time comes. you failed yourself, twice.

freedom, it is given to us for a reason. you are free to do what you want, what you need, for someone or for yourself. but freedom is not not perfect as it is said.

complications will come. everything is not perfect for life is as it is. don't get me wrong, but life is for you to shine in doing good, doing what you want, and doing for others; all at the same time.

parents, family, friends, they give you restrictions, yes restrictions I say. but think of it as a choice for like knowledge; entertain but doesn't necessarily that you extract and believe in it

life is unmeasurable of words. well it is.

and soon you'll find it's complications and you're the only one who can understand it's complications, do something about it, and function well with it.

life is like everything that you see.

for someone, somewhere, he/she has a different perspective about it.

spirit of thy christmas part 2

kanina. nagsimba kami para sa misa de gallo. i was not up to it actually. because the whole day, i was agitated... it wasn't such a pleasure to be mad at everything.

sakto lang yung dating namin. so it is christmas, yan ang theme ng halos lahat ng simbahan ngayon. it was a so so mass, until the homily

remember the last blog, if you had read. yung matanda sa labas ng church. it was interviewed by father nolan, yung preciding priest na nag celebrate ng mass.

dolor ang pangalan niya. ang ibig sabihin daw nun eh pain. so it is written everywhere. noong ininterview siya ni fr. ang expected daw na sasabihin ni aling dolor.

puro reklamo. kung gaano kahirap ang buhay, na sa tanda niyang noong eh nakakapagod.

but everything back fired. XD. and sinabi daw ni aling dolor.

maraming mababait na tao sa mundo.

oh crap!

na hindi daw siya humihingi pero may mga nagbibigay at ipinagpapasalamat niya yun. hindi ako sigurado sa lahat. pero nalaman ko na pasko na nga. na wala yung mga material things. hindi importante yung noche buena. it's not what others ask for you but it is what you ask for yourself. sometimes. akala mo malalim ka na. marami kang alam pero in the end wala kang alam. really. hindi ganun kadaling aminin. sometimes, kung sinu pa yung hindi mo aakalain na malungkot ang pasko, sila pa pala yung kumpleto.

masakit ngayon yung mata ko at nagluluha. nasundot ng hanger kanina.

bakit ko ibinlog to?

i just want to share kung ano yung nakita ko. naranasan ko sa pasko. na makita sana ng ibang tao yung pasko sa mata ko.

si aling dolor. wala sa harap ng simbahan. siguro tulog. siguro kumakain.

salamat sa kanya.

sobrang kulang nung tinapay na naibigay ko para sa binigay niya sa akin

merry christmas to you and your family.

spirit of thy christmas

puto bungbong, bibingka, malamig na simoy ng hangin, christmas rush in finding good gifts, simbang gabi, christmas party and still many more.

these are the things that complete the spirit of christmas, but still, many are lacking something. maybe the warmth that comes enclosed with the spirit of christmas itself.

so last december 18, 2009. naganap yung infused bday nila arwin and lex and also, parang yung christmas party namin. kami kami lang. tawanan, may nadagdag, may mga hindi sumipot, may nagaway pa ata at may halong tampururut. the whole week itself, masaya kasi 2 christmas party eh. yung isa nung 12-05-09 pero kasama nung mga classmates ko sa design. no photos of it. maybe some. pero hindi ko pa din nakikita. anyweys, balik tayo noong 18. ok yung inuman sa juicemio ata ung pangalan nung restobar. ata. sulit. libre eh. inum, tawa, kwento, kain, soundtrip gamit ang i-touch ni tin and so on. nakadalawang bote lang ako ng san mig light. hindi naman kasi ako umiinom eh, and also i don't want to challenge myself to take it to the point na hindi ko alam kung ano ginagawa ko. 2 bottles = dizzy, kasabay ng pagkahilo ko yung fireworks sa moa...

medyo maaga ako umuwi. kailangan eh. kahit na gusto kong tumambay. may kasabay ako pauwi, kabado siya kasi race against time eh. tepok siya pag dating sa bahay. well, nahabol naman ata yung time and safe siya nakauwi. 9:15 to be exact... nakarating kami sa balwarte namin. siya umuwi na, ako dilemma pa din kung mag aanticipated simbang gabi.

magsisimba, uurong. nagtext na ako kay mama na mag aanticipated mass ako. so tumuloy na ako.

on the way inside the church, sa may gate nito. meron akong nakitang matanda. nakaupo sa side walk, may mga sakong dala. payat madungis.

diretso lang ako sa loob ng church. wala pang mass... cguro 9:30 pm yung mass... naghintay ako, pero hindi ako mapakali. parang binubulate yung pwet ko. then

sigh.

tumayo ako sa upuan. made the sign of the cross and genuflected. lumabas ako... at tumingin sa matanda. naghanap ako ng tindahan.

unang tindahan, sarado.

lakad lakad.

pangalawa... pabili nga po.... may tinapay po ba kayo?...

wala eh, biscuit lang.

pangatlo... may tinapay po ba kayo?...

wala eh

pangapat... malayo na ako sa simbahan...

naispatan ko ung tinapay sa magsasara ng tindahan.

magkano po sa ______

ito? _____ lang.

alam mo na ung ginawa ko.

umalis ako sa tindahan. bumalik sa simbahan, pero hindi sa loob. dun lang ako sa may labas. sa may gate...

'nay kumain na po ba kayo?

iling.

may kasama po ba kayo?

dyan lang kami sa may ______

ahhh...

binigay ko na... hindi ko na pinatagal yung suspense.

nay kainin niyo po yan malamig po ngayon.

tango

umalis na ako. pauwi.

nakatalikod na ako ng sambitin ni lola ang merry christmas. ako naman ngayon ang tumango.

alam kong may kasama siya. pero hindi ako sigurado kung sinu. medyo malapit lang sila pero malayo din. matanda na siya, malamig ang gabi. hindi ko alam yung ginawa ko. medyo nahihiya pa nga ako kasi medyo marami yung tao na dumadaan eh. hindi ako sanay na pinagsisigawan yung ginawa ko. pero bakit ko binlog? hindi ko din alam. para siguro may maiba lang.

akala ko nasa loob ng simbahan makikita yung hinahanap ko.

asa labas pala.

maraming dumadaan na parang wala lang. hindi ko naman alam kung ano yung tumatakbo sa mga isip nila. kung magbibigay din o hindi. hindi din ako sigurado sa pakiramdam ko. mabigat kasi na magaan eh.

pero pagkatapos nun. alam ko sa sarili ko na may naiba. kahit papaano.

naramdaman ko yung medyo pasko na feeling. kulang man. pero atleast mabuting umpisa siguro yun.

thea

Walking alone
Alone I am cold
Hopeless and dry
Tears in my eyes

Perfect night
I shelter to my own eternally
Of my lonely soul


And then she came
And grace by its voice
An echo whisper for a lovely cause

Dressed with a smile
A never ending sign

This is my chance
To feel an empty life

If you fall

I will carry your show
For this I thank
To hold everything above

Burn this life
Of fame and fantasy
An ending hymn
To those who lead their need

Forever hold your pain
For I will give you same

Hold my hand
Don't let go
For all I know
I'll be seeing you from above

meaninglessness

life become becomes absurd...

meaninglessness becomes the "thing" if things are going endlessly in a cycle, a cycle that has no meaning at all.

life check.

"drive" is nowhere

"goal" is messed up and is splitting of to many places

"self-esteem" don't know where it is

several things in life is a mess. friends, family, career

they say that thinking about meaningless things like those must be a thing of the past and needs to be beaten. be positive.

positivity is just something that is not written in books. it's mean't to be learned by experience.

things are easy said than done.

i don't know how to loosen up. my heart is beating fast. always.